Confessions of a Social Climber

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June is in two weeks, and it only means that, along with sunshiny days — churches, gardens, florists, caterers and wedding planners are also in season.

But what of the wedding singer? (Or DJ, for that matter) They get gigs too, and I’m pretty sure with the large selection of songs that are popular at weddings, (and no, don’t say that “Grow Old” song from that Adam Sandler movie) they never run out of new things to sing, while watching old folks dance.

This could easily turn into WHAT songs you should PUT in your wedding play list, but no, this is about the growing popularity of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” for Hawaii / Tropical weddings, or rockers trying to throw in some Elvis Costello in there.

There’s a list of wedding songs over here. I have to question the selection though — I’ve been to a couple of weddings this year, and, well, some songs I heard? I just ask, “why?” There are FIVE songs that you absolutely MUST NOT have in your wedding’s music play list, whether the choice is funny or not – and here’s why, check it out:

Like A Virgin, Madonna – Okay, so maybe this’ll get a few laughs from your college buddies, and it might actually be fun. Say, you’ve been saving “it” for marriage, this’d be apt. But remember, a wedding with all your family intact may happen only once in your life — and if ever you decide to wed multiple times, playing this during the first dance would make your wedding into some frat-party-humor event.

Cotton Eye Joe, Rednex – Why? “He brought disaster wherever he went / the hearts of the girls was to hell broken sent / they all ran away so nobody would know / and left only men cause of Cotton Eye Joe.” Are you having a cowboy theme wedding? Is your bride wearing cowboy boots under the dress???

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper – “I come home in the morning light, / My mother says “When you gonna live your life right?” / Oh,mother,dear, / We’re not the fortunate ones, / And girls, / They wanna have fu-un.” However danceable Lauper classics are, unless this is a girl-on-girl marriage, throw in a little lovin’ for that male groom.

Stayin’ Alive, The Beegees – Whoah whoah whoah — drop the lights and lower the disco ball! Disco is alive once again! Wait, what? It’s a wedding? Unless you can’t fight the urge to pull off a Travolta (and if you can too, that’s the question!), do not play this song … the wedding video of you reviving disco on the very day that your new life starts will haunt you and your family for years to come.

—And, last, but certainly not least —

The Birdie Song, The Tweets – How bad can a song be? I mean, not only has this monstrosity seeped into our collective consciousness thanks to wedding videos, it still continues to haunt several ceremonies to this day. It doesn’t even have lyrics! Plus, it beat out Kylie Minogue’s “I Should Be So Lucky” for the top spot as the most annoying song of all time. Blech.

(play if you dare)

Blergh. I just had one of the worst conversations ever with my boss. I’m never the friendly girl everyone wants to hang around with in the office — and I like that. I do join in on office drinks and whatnot some times, but officemates to me, aren’t supposed to be your friends — they’re there to help you out when it comes to office business, but besides that, I like having a clear dichotomy of my professional life and my personal life.

Apparently, the other day, on one of my worst days, the wrong person heard me order another officemate around, and probably took it as some sort of office offense. There’s no official reprimand for workplace mean-ness, but then again, you have to command it.

In the office though, it’s a whole different jungle — you have a boss, and your bosses have boss. While some people work under me, I still defer to a higher authority — and that’s part of the reasons why I can’t befriend work people — in as much as it is easy to let your guard down on them, they’re still your colleagues, and demand more respect than your average girl friend. Lesson learned? Watch what you say — even to the point of faking it … being angry doesn’t really solve anything — it’s just a huge waste of energy.

Anybody else go through things like this?

“The female of the species is much more dangerous than the male,” at least that’s what a song says. We already know how much a girl can hurt you after a break-up (or during a relationship! Haha!) and there’s no need to veer towards that.

Notice the everyday office type — wearing heels that make her calves pop out, dressed in a suit that hides her girlier features, and carrying a purse. Take note, a normal girl-purse. Did you know that the stuff inside a girl’s purse is lethal? That normal-looking office-type you were staring at? She’s really actually packing! She lugs around a variety of objects that are dangerous both to her, and to others! Really!

Eyecurler / Eyeliner – I have a friend who’s deathly afraid of the eyecurler. When asked why, he said … “it curls … the eyes!” Well, yeah, plus they accentuate whatever theme you have going on for the day. The thing is, one curls the eye, and one’s essentially a pencil FOR the eye. How scary is that?

Dental floss – If she’s a girl who values oral hygiene, she doesn’t have killer breath, but she has killer equipment. There’ve been news about toothpaste and dental floss being used to cut down steel bars in prison. Think how durable that piece of wire can be as something to inhibit your breathing, Hitman 47 style.

Cosmetics! – Some cosmetics are just plain scary. When they’ve spent too long a time in someone’s purse, bag or make-up kit, the brushes contract bacterium upon bacterium! Remember that some of these stuff get absorbed in the blood stream.

How about the men on the net? What other items in your girl’s purse are you afraid of?

I was out last night, and, well, the funny thing about going out is you see people. I’ve spent most of the last couple of years traveling and partying that, sometimes I forget it’s all about the people.

Saw this couple having the time of their lives, and, well, they were happy as they are, just partying. Not that I blame them, I’ve had my fair share of partying, and I’ve been to a whole lot of them, but, there’s still so much more out there in the world.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my place, but I guess I don’t want to be the one to tell them that life isn’t just about that. Sweet romances, the lightheadedness you feel after a drink, the energy that becomes tangible once you’re out there? It’s amazing, though it’s only a part of what life’s all about.

The real wonder lies in the undiscovered. Things that you can learn from, things you do to outdo yourself, and people who’ll forever leave you speechless are out there to be met.

I guess I’m just ranting because part of me wants to have some Peter-Pan-never-grow-up and part of me just wants to grow, expand, occupy a larger place in the world.

Look at me, I’m just ranting. =)

“You’re about to discover the depth of strangeness and beauty the world holds.”

-Warren Ellis, from the comicbook Planetary

That’s actually a pretty accurate summation of what the not-so-popular parts of the world is: strange and beautiful. The curious mix evokes varying reactions from people … is something fascinating because it’s strange, or is it fascinating because its beautiful?

Here are five examples of strange natural beauty that goes undiscovered most of the time.

Curtain of Fire, Hawaii – Located in volcanic Hawaii, Extreme pressure gushing out of a volcano, a fissure vent, and tons and tons of deadly lava, maybe something even hotter than Damien Rice’s “Volcano” — that’s what the Curtain of Fire is. Imagine a geyser, but instead of one hole to burst out of, think, a whole line — it makes for some spectacular display of the awesome power hidden beneath areas with volcanic activity — and seeing it gobble up a tree just adds to the excitement even more.

Death Valley Moving Rocks – Much like crop circles, these mysterious rocks up in Death Valley, California are being debated upon. Are they man-made occurrences? Does someone move them via air at night? Do the rocks come alive when no one’s looking? Are strange energies pulling the rocks underground? Are there sand people sand-submarines that use these rocks as periscopes? However they happen, these rocks show off a trail, with no external footprints of who, or what pushed them. The thing is, the local authorities have prohibited people from actually going near the rocks, to prevent them from being stolen or moved.

Blue Holes in the Bahamas – We’ve all heard about black holes, but what the heck are blue holes??? Blue holes are, according to Wikipedia, “oughly circular, steep-walled depressions, and so named for the dramatic contrast between the dark blue, deep waters of their depths and the lighter blue of the shallows around them. Their water circulation is poor, and they are commonly anoxic below a certain depth; this environment is unfavorable for most sea life, but nonetheless can support large numbers of bacteria.” What are they exactly? Almost-perfectly circle holes in the water that is noticeably bluer than the rest of the water surrounding it. These deep water caves are said to hold details of almost a hundred million years of history. The fun thing is, 90% of these caves are virgin territory … now wouldn’t that be something to explore one?

Banaue Rice Terraces – Located in the Philippines, these layered rice plantings have been built by the native Ifugaos and are estimated to be 2000 years old. Using minimal equipment, they’ve managed to create a primitive irrigation system that waters the crops from the top to the bottom by utilizing the rainforest areas located on top.

The Matterhorn, the Swiss Alps – This mountain may not be the highest, but there’s something special about it. It is immediately recognizable by its outline. It seems like a mountain that has edges. Four sides make it seem like a pyramid. But wait, there’s more! There’s an interesting story behind it too, from the website I found this info from, it says, that “About 40 million years ago, the Alps were created. When two sections of the Earth’s crust crashed into each other, it threw up rocks into a chain of buckled, folded mountains.” Hence, the origin of this unique natural splendor.

Remember that diner scene in Reservoir Dogs? The gang was having an argument on whether to tip or not to tip Incidentally, when you’re traveling, you will come across a bevy of service people who are there to make your lives so much more easier. I think I’ve mentioned tipping several times in this blog already, and there’s good reason. It works.

You ask yourself, wait, isn’t it part of their job to make my life easier? Why do I have to pay extra?

As a traveler, life is not easy. At the very worst, you’ll be doing everything by yourself, planning, getting tickets, getting on a flight and whatnot … and then you’ll still have to do it on the way back. Doormen, the concierge, busboys, waiters, room service, stylists, massage therapists, cabbies, etc, are there to help you through each part of your trip. From getting to where you ought to be, to carrying your luggage, these people work for a modest salary, and your tip motivates them to work harder for you.

There are only a couple of rules to follow when tipping:

Why tip? If you get really good service with a smile, like, say, a waiter who was there at your every beck and call, leave a good 15% tip. Lousy service? Still leave a tip, about 10% and then never take service from that person again. (Stylist, cab driver)

Budget budget. Some establishment already have service charge. While you’re not required to leave a tip, if you’re genuinely pleased with something that someone does for you, leave a tip — just don’t go overboard. Upon computation, if you add up all the people you have to tip on a trip, it’ll cost a fortune! For small favors, you don’t have to leave 15%, hand the guy a buck or two, and you’re good!

Customs, customs. In some countries, tipping is actually not customary. Grab a country guide when you’re in so-and-so country, to find out if a tip is needed or not.

Parties (and by ‘parties,’ I mean the kind where alcohol, music and young, hopefully-single socialites are thrown together in one venue) are bizarre social gatherings where, you might’ve been reluctant to go, but afterwards, you wouldn’t have wanted to miss out. When you’re the organizer of one, it’s a constant bi*ch — the pressure of everyone having a good time is on you. When you’re a friend of the one who threw the party (you’re a plus one!); if everyone’s having a good time, you get good rep for being friends with the kind of people who throw wicked parties — if it starts to suck, you stick around like flypaper while evading questions on how you know the freaks who threw the sucky party. If, you’re attending a shindig all-alone, be it, invited or gatecrashing, your task is to charm other people into being your allies for the night.

Usually, if someone doesn’t know something, they should ask, right? Here are 7 questions you could ask in a party, whoever you are.

Organizer:

Are you guys having fun? – You don’t even have to let people know that you threw the party, what’s important is finding out how people are enjoying your party (or not!).

Who are you guys with? – If your party is by invites-only, this is a covert way of asking if someone’s crashing. Plus, it’s also doubles as a way of getting to know your guests and new friends by who they’re associated with in your social circle.

Plus Ones: (aka Friends of attendees)

Who threw this awesome party? – One, the party doesn’t have to be awesome to ask this, two, well, it’s a nice way to get to know who’s responsible if you’re gonna have a good time or not, plus, they might remember you the next time they throw a party.

Who’s that girl / guy? – You’re in the party, he/she’s in the party, it’s only natural that you mingle, right? Remember to call dibs first!

Solo Mission / Gatecrasher:

Where are the drinks? – If you get in a party and there are loads of people, you’ll stand out as the only one not holding a drink. This is important, of course, since you’re going to go in under the radar, infiltrating a party.

“May I take this dance?” or, also known as, bump the hot stranger, initiate eye contact and start dancing with them. – If you get a reaction that looks like a frowny emoticon, slowly back away, dancing; If you get a smile, or a dance back, get cozy in there! If you’re a bit on the shy side, tap someone lightly and most of the time, they’ll be the ones who’ll do all the talking.

When’s the next one? – This is a great compliment to a party that managed to kick your ass, and also, it makes the party-throwers feel that they’ve done their best for this planet. And, well, you get to find out when the next one’s gonna be, so you could prepare with a date next time!

Ever wonder how some people just have that “oomph!” effect? Like an aura, or a presence, something you just can’t explain when they’re around? They’re always in the VIP area of the hottest clubs, lines aren’t anything to them, and well, you just get that warm and fuzzy feeling when they talk to you.

It’s called the “halo effect.” People who are best in exuding their best qualities are always looked up on. But think about it, you’re both people … what’s the big difference?

Here are a couple of inexpensive ways to exude that “oomph!” effect.

Smile like you mean it. Notice what you automatically perceive from people with braces. You could instantly presume that they could afford such things. Notice celebrity smiles — they’re always like a toothpaste commercial in the making. It’s never about having perfect teeth, but more on having SPARKLY WHITE teeth. There are various whiteners in the market, plus, having your teeth whitened professionally might sting, but it won’t cost as much as having braces put on.

Godlike stature. Part of the appeal is the height. When you loom over people, they tend to literally look up to you. If you’re a little on the short side, try bigger gestures. Spread your arms, keep your legs apart and what not. Wearing vertical stripes doesn’t hurt either.

Reservation nation. Notice why VIP’s don’t have to fall in line? It’s because they’ve cultivated a large number of contacts over the years as socialites that most things are usually free for ‘em. Plus this doesn’t just apply to clubs, this goes for everything — restaurants, movies even traveling! For restaurants, you call ahead, for movies, you either drop by the theater a few weeks in advance, or try looking for their website. For trips, you could try various booking services. (Remember to tip your waiter!)

Clothes that make the woman. (Or man, fine!) Make sure your clothes are clean, well-pressed, creases (if you like office pants / pant-suits to make you look taller) are straight and buttons aren’t missing. Look out for loose threads and tears and you’ll look fresh.

Follow these tips and pretty soon you’ll notice people feeling your presence. Finally, and most importantly, it’s the attitude! If you feel like a winner, think like a winner, how does a winner breathe, walk and such, then you’ll be a natural. Smile!

For as long as pageants have existed, the word controversy has never really left its side. Oh, in history there have been tons and tons of scandals involving name-swaps, cheating, paid judges and whatnot. Have things gotten better since then? Well, apparently not — there are still controversies and scandals that are plaguing beauty pageants worldwide. Which leaves me asking, “how can someone be so beautiful and yet be so ugly on the inside?!”

Here are a couple of pageant-type blunders that have happened in less than a year.

Not-so-Ms.-Brooklyn – Well, supposedly, after missing for 16 years, the Miss Brooklyn pageant has been resurrected. As a crucial stepping stone on the way to Miss America — and the winner, Leigh-Taylor Smith, isn’t actually from Brooklyn. Will Brooklynites allow this to happen??? Well, apparently, it wouldn’t have happened had more young women from Brooklyn signed up. “We only had a few committed girls from Brooklyn,” said Kim Thomas, executive director of the Miss Brooklyn Scholarship Program. “We couldn’t have a contest with only three girls.”

Miss New Jersey’s Unladylike Photos – Apparently, someone threatened to blackmail Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo last year with photos that exhibit some unladylike behavior, you know, the kind that pageant winners shouldn’t be exhibiting in the first place? The twist? Amy Polumbo voluntarily revealed the photos in advance, way before her meeting with New Jersey pageant officials, who have ultimately determined that, the photos were done in the spirit of fun, and that she could keep the crown. (Besides, which young girl doesn’t have at least one photo like this in their Facebook???)

Invisible Pepper Spray – The beautiful Ingrid Marie Rivera had allegedly been a victim of sabotage via pepper spray in her make-up and clothing. Her skin broke out in hives and was regularly icing herself down backstage to ease the pain. Well, she did win, but the twist is, police investigators and forensics found no trace of pepper spray in the make-up, or in the clothing. Was this just an elaborate publicity stunt, or was she just allergic to something? She swears by it, well, even her swelling and reddened cheeks, ears and arms do.

Win By Technical Foul – Just last December, controversy in the Miss California USA pageant, where surprisingly, the announced winner, Cristina Silva, was stripped of her title … literally overnight! As it turns out, even the judges were surprised when her name was called as Miss California. When they ran to double-check, it had seemed that because of a tabulation error, the wrong girl was called out as winner, while the real winner was declared runner-up. Miss Silva was then asked to surrender the title and publicly declare that Raquel Beezley, the runner-up, was the actual winner.

But wait, there’s more! I saved the most recent:

In the Philippines, apparently, they crowned a Miss Janina San Miguel the title of Bb. Pilipinas-World, the prerequisite before being able to compete in the Miss World pageant. The controversy stems from the judgment, of, well, the judges. See, during the question-and-answer portion, Ms. San Miguel had a couple of grammatical blunders and often excusing her lack of poise due to her youth and lack of experience. The story took off merely minutes after the decision — in the papers, tv shows and, YouTube. Poor girl became the big joke, but is it her fault, or the lack of a proper screening / pageant training? You tell me. I do wish her good luck, and may she redeem herself for the Miss World contest.